How I Truly Felt When I Heard Boy for the Third Time
Had you asked me in high school – heck, had you asked me 7 years ago – if I wanted a large family, I would have said no. I wanted two kids. I envisioned a boy and a girl. I’m a perfectionist, type-A person and I wanted a perfect, four-person family.
I wasn’t one of those women who had to have a daughter because they want to dress her up and make her into a living doll that they could live vicariously through. Although I’d enjoy all the girlie things, that simply wasn’t my reasoning. I wanted a daughter so I could have the same kind of relationship with her that I had with my mother. Dr. Phil says the person that plays the biggest role in a child’s life is the same sex parent (Dr. Phil said it, so it must be true) and I wanted to play that role.
It’s funny how you make these plans for life and you think you know what you want and then God shows you just how wrong you were. He shows you that he has something SO much better in store for you. Here’s how our story went – and let me tell you, it wasn’t how I had imagined. It’s a bit of a long story – but there are four kids so what do you expect?
My first child was a boy, Charlie. He was such a wonderful baby and, in my mind, I was 50% done having kids. I was pregnant again nine months later. I went into that ultrasound room and was certain I’d hear “girl.” I left that room feeling a bit relieved, but (and I feel shameful even admitting this) a bit disappointed. I was having a healthy baby (which was a huge relief, as I had miscarried during my very first pregnancy at 10 weeks), but this baby, again, was a boy. My idea of two kids, a boy and a girl had been altered.
I sulked for a bit – feeling so guilty even as I did it – after all, I knew how lucky I was to be having a viable pregnancy and a healthy baby. I just knew I’d be hearing the ole’ “guess you’re going to have to have three to get that girl” routine. I got over it within the day and decided I was going to have two beautiful boys, they’d be best friends and if we decided to have another, it’d be a girl then. I was excited to be giving my son a built-in best friend.
We welcomed Louie James in October 2012 and he was so beautiful. He was a more difficult baby than our first son, but so dang sweet. The constant crying was matched with the sweetest, dimpled smiles and I was actually happy I didn’t “get my girl.”
Welp, in true Fritz fashion, we were pregnant again nine months later.
Throughout the entire first 18 weeks people kept telling me not to worry, I would get “my girl.” (I despise that phrase now, by the way.) I didn’t get my hopes because deep down I think I knew it was boy. I was ok with that. I had started to like the idea of being a boy mom. Of course I still wanted a daughter, but I was ok with it being another sweet son. It was society who kept telling me I have to “get my girl.” They were relentless about it.
In that true Fritz fashion, I heard the word boy for the third time. I’m not going to candy coat it. I was upset. I was relieved that we had heard the baby was healthy, but I just couldn’t kick the fact that I wasn’t going to have a daughter and I knew how people would react. I had no intentions of having more than three children and this was it for us.
I think more than anything, though, I was afraid to tell people. I knew what was coming. “Are you going to try for a girl?” “Oh no! Are you so disappointed?” “You’re going to have to have a fourth.” And they said all those things and more. Ya’ll society is ruthless and has no filter. People say exactly what they think. I honestly don’t think I would have really been all that upset had it not been for society’s expectation that every woman must have a girl.
I’m a people pleaser and a perfectionist so this bothered me. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be happy and content with another son – like it was somehow less exciting. Now, at 33, I don’t care what people think. I’ve realized that no one’s opinion matters when it comes to my life, except my own – but at the time I did and it bothered me.
In April 2014 we welcomed our third baby son. Jack was utterly perfect. He was the sweetest, cuddliest, easiest baby and he made me so thankful that I hadn’t “got my girl” again.
I truly thought we were done after Jack. Four kids just seemed crazy to me. But, even as I lay in the hospital after having Jack, I just didn’t feel like I was done having kids. They say you know when you’re done and I just didn’t feel it. I chalked it up to hormones and figured I would feel more “done” after a couple weeks home with three little boys under the age of three.
That feeling never left, though. I wanted one more. I felt like our family needed just one more. It wasn’t because of that missing girl – honestly, it wasn’t. I just didn’t feel “done” having kids. I wanted a fourth. Seventeen months after having Jack I found out I was pregnant again. I didn’t even open my mind up to the possibility of it being a girl. I was at peace with that fact that I was going to be a boy mom and I was excited to see how different he would be from his brothers.
We did a genetic test at 10 weeks to find out the gender. On Christmas Eve 2015 I received a call from my amazing OBGYN and she told me I would be welcoming a baby girl in April. I was floored. Utterly floored. I didn’t think it was possible.
I was so thrilled to bring a little girl into the fold to soften up my boys a bit and to create that incredible bond. My husband and sons were excited – albeit a bit worried that they’d now have to play with dolls.
In April 2016 we welcomed Annie into the world and she was everything I imagined and more. I truly felt like my family was complete. I left the hospital a day later crying because I knew I would never have that experience again. I knew I was “done.”
I write this not to tell a long story about the way my family came to be, but rather to say that it’s okay to have plans for your family and be disappointed when they don’t work out the way you expected or in the order that you imagined.
It’s okay to not give a da$% what people think your family should look like. I wish I hadn’t cared. I write it to let you know that God has something so much better planned for you than what you imagined. My three sons and one daughter are the perfect makeup for our family. I just didn’t know it back then.
I want mothers of all boys or all girls to know that you don’t have to “get your girl” or “get your boy.” Your family is perfect exactly the way it is. If I had my daughter when I wanted, I wouldn’t have Louie and Jack. Had I had her when I thought I wanted her, she wouldn’t have three protective brothers looking over her. I want families that have to use alternative means to create their family that your family will be perfect no matter how or when it is created.
Society’s opinion of what your family makeup should look like has literally no effect on your family. God gives us what we need, not what we want. And I can promise you, from experience, he gives you something so much better.
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